


No Fun Allowed

by Mattx13



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Clary Fray (mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, Raphael enjoys ruining fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9274472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattx13/pseuds/Mattx13
Summary: Simon decides Raphael needs to see some of what the modern mundane world had to offer. Raphael is not nice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfiction since posting glee on deviantart
> 
> please be gentle with me

“Are you serious?” Simon scoffed, staring at Raphael in disbelief. Raphael gave him a confused look on his own.

 

“What’s wrong with it? It’s not that old.”

 

“I asked for a music player while my phone is still broken from that stupid mission Clary dragged me on. You have brought me a _fossil_ .” Simon stressed, hands still outstretched to the boombox Raphael had placed in front of him. “It’s _ancient_. I know that you guys-”

 

“If you’re referring to vampires, you can stop saying us and start saying _we_.”

 

“Whatever, _we_ live forever, but, I don’t even own a cassette. I’ve seen maybe _three_ in my lifetime.” Simon was incredulous at even the thought of the old technology, blowing the dust off the large handle to prove his point.

 

“Well, until your phone is repaired, you asked for a music player, I gave you one. You’re dating someone older than this machine.” Raphael said, motioning to himself.  “Now, you can seemingly skirt your responsibilities but I can’t.” He stated with a clear tone, leaving Simon with a kiss on the cheek before returning to his work since he felt as if he had accurately resolved his boyfriend’s ‘emergency’.

\---

“I have found a way to make your old garbage work!” Simon announced as if dealing with technology from the past was an award winning feat. Raphael just gazed over to Simon, not willing to justify him with a response and _especially_ unwilling after he saw Simon was wearing sunglasses with the boombox on his shoulder. “So like, I thought about it and I discovered that I should be grateful that I don’t have to be one of those assholes that goes into music stores and is all like,” Simon scrunched his face and made his tone extremely nasally. “Do you have this, but on _vinyl?_ You know, _those_ people?”

 

“I do not know those people, but I assume you think they’re common enough to mention them.”

 

“Yeah, totally. They’re called hipsters, huge glasses, drinks stupid stuff in coffee shops.”

 

“Weren’t you complaining just a few days ago that you were… How did you put it, filled with crippling despair because you couldn’t eat biscotti anymore?” Simon pulled his sunglasses down, attempting to stare Raphael down who just stared back.

 

“Are you gonna let me get to my point, or are you gonna keep sassing me?” He asked seriously, getting a small shrug in return.

 

“Haven’t decided yet.” Simon snorted, pushing his sunglasses back up, shaking his head and rewinding the tape before pressing play. It started with a fast beat, a different one than earlier that Simon started earlier with the volume on so high that it murdered every vampire _and_ their enhanced hearing in a two mile radius. Simon began dancing, badly, to the beat as he sung along, equally as badly.

 

“My music makes me, so hard, makes me say oh my L-” He briefly had to stop at the pain that coursed through him that the attempt but was too determined not to continue. Raphael stared up at him, slowly nodding his head before he stood. His expression seemed undecided if he enjoyed the music or not and Simon was hopeful that he was convincing the other vampire until Raphael’s claws ripped through the boombox. He dropped the remaining pieces and film of the cassette into Simon’s hand, Simon’s expression hurt that his lover had stopped his nineties groove.

 

“It’s loud. And it looks like someone might have to get some vinyl, since I know record players are _not_ portable.” Raphael stated with a look of distaste to the broken machine that crackled softly before it finally met his demise. Simon whined, putting the boombox down in defeat.

 

“You are a fun _killer_ .” Raphael sighed softly, pushing Simon’s _stupid_ sunglasses into his hair and held the taller man in his arms.

 

“I’m… Sorry, I guess. I’ll convince the guy to fix your phone faster.”

 

“Without violence?”

 

“If it does not break the Accords, you know I can’t promise that.” Raphael joked, Simon letting out a weak laugh into his shoulder.

\---

Simon returned the next night, seemingly revamped (no pun intended) on his excitement towards some other topic. “I have discovered _why_ you are such a grumpy old man.” He said cheerily as if it wasn’t a slight insult.

 

“Is it because you are a child?” Raphael returned, glancing up from his reading and only letting out a soft ‘oof’ when Simon sat on his legs. Simon chose to ignore his statement.

 

“You haven’t really _experienced_ the new.”

 

“Like how as a Downworlder, _everything_ is new to you?” Simon dogeared Raphael’s page to have his full attention, much to the other’s disgust on having his book creased.

 

“You haven’t experienced the new technology of the mundane world, the fun stuff! Have you even _played_ a videogame?” Simon asked with a ‘holier than thou’ tone. Raphael squinted at him, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I have, just so you know.” He replied, Simon almost jolting in shock.

 

“What?! Which one?! Onesss?” Simon demanded, holding the ‘s’ in disbelief that there was a chance of multiple titles. Curiosity coated his features as he threw the book in favor of invading his lover’s personal space. Raphael sighed softly, looking to the ceiling as he attempted to remember.

 

“It was… The T one? With the… Different colored… Blocks? That you had to fit perfectly int-” He was cut off by Simon laughing loudly, trying to muffle himself in Raphael’s chest. “What’s so funny?”

 

“Tetris. Wow. Did you also perhaps partake in some snake or _pong_?” Simon asked with giggles still on his lips. Raphael stroked his hair, waiting patiently for his lover to stop laughing.

 

“Is there something wrong with that?”

 

“No no no, it’s just, that’s not even scratching the surface, but I’ll go easy on you.” Simon said, looking down at Raphael and someone could've drowned in the amount of love in his eyes.

 

“Oh yeah?” Raphael challenged with a small smile.

 

“Yeah. You included me in your world, now it’s time for you to see mine. It’s gonna be good, I promise.” Simon concluded, voice softer as he gave Raphael a brief kiss and immensely enjoyed the hand his lover ran down his back. They parted slowly, staring into each other’s eyes. Finally Raphael let out a soft sigh, stroking Simon’s cheek.

 

“Fine. I’ll amuse you. Where do we start?”

 

“We don’t want to rush you, so we’re gonna start with a newer movie. I think it came out in the nineties.”

 

“Oh, _that’s_ new, but anything before that is ancient?” Raphael questioned with a small shake of his head.

 

“If it’s older than me, it’s older than dirt.” Simon answered carelessly. Raphael raised an eyebrow.

 

“What does that make me?” Simon looked down, only looking back up to give Raphael a teasing, pitying look. Scoffing, Raphael shoved his boyfriend off the couch who resumed laughing on the floor.

 ---

The movie turned out to be some fiction about a family’s pets being lost and trying to find their owners. It was two dogs, a puppy and an old golden retriever, and a sarcastic prissy cat. They both had opinions who was who, Simon swearing the cat was Raphael while the other man promised that Simon was the dumb, hungry dog that unknowingly got himself into any trouble that was to be found. Near the end of the movie Simon seemed to be watching closely for Raphael’s reactions, giving up and blubbering when the old dog got hurt and outright sobbing when it was implied that the retriever didn’t make it home after the threesomes long journey.

 

“Oh my God, you think he’s, but he’s not, but you _think_ he is, and then when he’s not it makes me so happy!” Simon ranted through his dark red tears, Raphael dabbing them away with the tissues the younger one had insisted would be necessary, patting his back in a way that was somewhat sympathetic. “I just, I can’t do it, when the dogs die in movies, you know? Like, when they leave the dog behind especially, like _no_ , go back you heartless _monster_.” He gushed, resting his head on Raphael’s shoulder who was happy Simon wasn’t referring to himself in the same spiteful tone anymore.

 

Raphael waited patiently for the other’s emotions to die down to weak sniffles, giving his forehead a tender kiss. “I want a dog.” Simon gruffed.

 

“You can’t have one, you would be the first to eat it.” Raphael vetoed, leading to more grumbles.

 

“I know.” With a sad tone, Simon accepted his dogless fate.

 

“You’re pitiful.” Raphael cooed, pausing and straightening up. “Is that why you like the werewolves so much? Dogs that won’t let you eat them?” He was hit in the mouth with a pillow, Simon pretending to hold it down over his face with the barest of pressure. If Raphael needed to breathe, he could have. Instead this made a rare laugh come from the king of the New York vampires.

 

“I may be pitiful, but you’re so mean!” Simon grumped with no heat before he too was hit with the pillow, and then a strong kiss.

\--- 

“How did you get some of your old things back?” Raphael questioned, flipping the portable system over and over in his hands.

 

“I think by now Clary owes me like, fifteen favors, her runes allowing her to go through my unlocked window back home, blackmail helps. You know, in all those years of us being friends, she never snuck into _my_ room, like, how unfair is tha-?”

 

“What is this, anyway?” The question popped up quickly before Simon went on a tangent about his Shadowhunter friend that constantly broke into the hotel whenever she pleased. Back on topic, the fledgling was happy to explain.

 

“It’s a Nintendo DS, short for dual screen, because it has two screens.”

 

“... I’m slow with your gaming tech, but God Almighty, not that slow.” Raphael drawled, Simon nudging him in revenge before he loaded up a game.

 

“This is Animal Crossing, and I’m gonna let you live in my town. The game will explain itself, and you have play while I finish up this thing I have to do,”

 

“As if I am completely free.”

 

“And we’ll see how you fared when I get back.” Simon finished, leaving his boyfriend with a kiss on the cheek. When he returned, he stole the system right out of Raphael’s hands. “This looks nothing like you.” He complained, looking down to where Raphael was laying on one of their golden couches once more.

 

“I can’t become an expert in a day.” Raphael defended himself somewhat grumpily. Simon forced him to scootch over, working surprisingly silently in game for a few minutes. He shoved the system back in Raphael’s hands with an enthusiastic ‘ta da!’ with jazz hands included. The avatar was now wearing a tie less gray suit with hair that actually reflected the real person.

 

“There you are, now it looks right. Now you’re _so handsome_ like you actually are.” Simon joked, kissing his jaw as he laid his head on Raphael’s chest once more and yawned.

 

“Take a nap while I figure this out.” Raphael suggested, only to be met with the snores similar to a suffocating bear. Simon awoke with a snort a short time later, peering up at his boyfriend’s focused expression. “You know, I think I understand why you like this. I think I’ve really improved the town.” Raphael concluded, Simon bursting up in excitement.

 

“Let me see!” He said, stealing the DS to check out the work that was done. He loaded up his file, his character happily trotting out of his home before immediately falling into a pitfall seed and struggling to get out of the hole. Strange, but sometimes the spawned there so it was alright. It _was_ alright until Simon slowly realized that a pitfall seed trap was in every two feet he walked, Raphael laughing louder and louder the more he fell in. Simon stared as his boyfriend seemed to cackle endlessly. Apparently, he had used nap time to learn what a pitfall seed is, find a tour on the island where the trap were in plethora, and make Simon’s town into a minefield. “Did you enjoy yourself, Satan?” Simon asked in a deadpan, Raphael trying to force himself to not find as much joy as he was from messing with his fledgling's fun.

 

“I really did.” He affirmed, hiding his giggles into the couch. Simon was nowhere near as amused, but he did notice bright flowers that were planted all around his house that weren’t there before so, baby steps.

\---

After the incident with his beautiful town yesterday, when Simon began showing Raphael Mario Kart, he preselected Bowser as his lover’s racer. Being nice, Simon let him have a practice round so when he was annihilated at least it would be fair. Simon was a Luigi guy, starting the game up and freeing one of his hands to cover Raphael’s eyes from seeing the screen.

 

“Simon! We agreed to be fair!” He sputtered, knocking the other’s hand away with ease. Simon laughed, pushing Raphael who seemed to be glued to his spot with the motivation of competition.

 

“It’s not cheating, it’s a secret strategy!” He objected, snorting. “You try!”

 

“Oh, I refuse to sink to your level, estúpido.” Raphael muttered, Simon spurning him on to do it until he finally reached over to cover Simon’s eyes without looking and got a soft kiss to the palm instead. Simon was giving him a teasing look and smile when he glanced over, quickly dropped when Raphael pressed a surprisingly deep kiss to his lips. The game forgotten entirely, Simon pulled his lover closer by the shoulders as the game’s music faded to a background rumble.

 

Simon’s hands tucked into Raphael’s jacket, caressing his cold skin through the thin button up in an innocent way since he was unsure how deep into passion they would be going. He was enjoying the strong arm wrapped around him, the pleasurable way that their lips moved together that always managed to _just_ right if Simon managed to keep his fangs in so it wasn’t so sharp. Raphael would have kissed him absolutely breathless if either of them still required air. As they did not, their kisses lasted long for air was not an issue, which is why Simon whimpered when Raphael pulled away all too soon. He leaned up, chasing his lover’s lips once more than stayed out of reach.

 

“Why…?” Simon questioned, a pathetic puddle under his leader’s will. Raphael was smirking wide like the cat that got the canary, smug. Simon’s eyes flicked to the screen quickly, seeing that Raphael had won their little game. “How?” He demanded, sore for being bested.

 

“I peeked.” Raphael admitted without a hint of shame, his controller still in his grip while Simon’s had been abandoned on the floor.

 

“How could you?” Simon asked as if it was the worst thing that was ever done to him, _including_ being murdered.

 

“Wouldn’t hear the end of it if _you_ won.” He snorted back, standing up to go get their next meal.

 

“You cheated!”

 

“So did you.”

 

“You sunk _lower_ than my level.” Simon said in unending disbelief. “You distracted me so I couldn’t use my blue shell.”

 

“You got it baby.” Raphael smirked wider so his fangs poked out, offering the glass of blood to Simon who laid defeated on the floor.

 

“Pure _evil_.”

\---

“Someone’s grumpy.” It took a decent amount of time to find his fledgling in the hotel after their little game. He kissed all over Simon’s face after finding him scowling in his coffin far before sunrise.

 

“I thought you really wanted to learn about new things in the mundane world, but you just cheated and mocked them.” Simon muttered angrily, Raphael brushing his hair back in a soothing way.

 

“I didn’t want to learn about whatever excites the mundanes.” Simon’s laser point glare was fixed on Raphael and if he could burn a hole in the the other, right now he would.

 

“So why bother?”

 

“I wanted to learn about what excited you.” Raphael answered with a simple shrug. “I wanted to see what you thought was fun. I wanted to see what made you happy, so I can make you happy.” His hand continued moving through Simon’s hair, even when the younger’s face softened.

 

“Raphael...”

 

“You just seemed to act like I’m trapping you here with the old, and I wanted to have a few moments where you didn’t have to rush off to help the Shadowhunters with whatever clueless situation they’re in now. I’m sorry if I was selfish. I just wanted to spend time with you when I could, while your phone was broken. I didn’t mean to ruin any fun you were having.” Raphael said honestly, Simon caught off guard with his confession.

 

“... Why didn’t you lead with that?”

 

“Because then you’d think I’d go easy on you, and let’s be honest, you were never going to win.” Simon was happy once more with his worries eased and his boyfriend comfortable enough to resume his teasing.

 

“Shut up, kiss me.” Raphael leaned into the coffin, noses brushing as he seemed to endlessly tease Simon with the smallest of touches and their lips were less than centimeters apart before Raphael stood back up straight. Simon opened one eye, already giving his leader an unimpressed look.

 

“Bad news, I only kiss _winners_.” Raphael hissed playfully, slamming the lid of Simon’s coffin closed and using his advanced speed to make a quick exit. Simon burst out quickly, laughing as he tried his hardest to catch up.


End file.
